Case study
M is a first-year student who seems to have little connection with classmates. She is somewhat withdrawn and makes little contact during classes. In the introductory interview with the tutor, she says she cannot find her niche in student life. M knows few people, and old friends hardly have time for her. Family says student life is a great fun time, but M finds it disappointing. She feels alone.
What do we mean by loneliness?
Loneliness is not feeling connected. A person then experiences a lack of a close and emotional connection with others. Loneliness is a subjective experience and therefore different for everyone. It is often not about how many friends a person has, but about the quality of social relationships.
When experiencing loneliness, there is often a difference between the expectations a person has of social relationships and the actual experience of the social relationships.
Emotional loneliness
In emotional loneliness, a person experiences a strong lack of an intimate and close relationship.
Social loneliness
In social loneliness, a person lacks meaningful relationships with a group of people such as fellow students, colleagues, or people with similar interests.
Extra information
Many students feel lonely (RIVM survey et al 2021). The majority of students surveyed indicated that the coronacrisis has intensified feelings of loneliness. There is also a link between students’ experiencing a lack of social support and the likelihood of mental health problems.
Possible causes of loneliness among students:
Students go through a new age phase, or a transition phase. This involves the following processes:
- Loss or adjustment of familiar relationships.
- Building new relationships in a new city or country.
- Developing independence and self-reliance with new responsibilities.
In doing so, the following factors can lead to loneliness:
- Having a limited social network.
- The loss of social relationships.
- Personal characteristics, such as having low self-confidence, being shy and having fewer social skills.
How can you, as a counsellor, support loneliness?
There are several signals that can indicate loneliness:
- reclusive behaviour
- absence
- little contact
- worsened self-care
- make an unhappy impression
Of course, these signs can also indicate other problems.
DO! Engage with the student
The best way to find out if loneliness is present is to engage in conversation with the student. Do this with an open, curious and sincere attitude. Loneliness is sometimes part of life. The issue is whether it bothers the student and hinders study progress.
In the (personal) conversation with the student, discuss the following:
- How the student is doing.
- Does the student have a social network, both online and offline contacts.
- Questions about living situation, contact with roommates and leisure interests (sports/interests), friendships and feelings of loneliness
- Does the student have a desire for change
- Make the topic of loneliness discussable in a learning team and think together what options are available to a student.
As a tutor, do you get the impression that there is more going on than loneliness? In case of gloom and anxiety symptoms, you may advise seeking further help, within or outside the HU.
You can then refer to the dean or to the family doctor.
DO! Keep in touch with the student
Referral or not, try to keep in touch with students. Teachers, for example, can ‘hang around’ for a while after class to chat for 10 minutes for those who want to. Also, as a tutor, you can email an absent student and ask why wasn’t he/she there and if he/she will be there next time.
DOs!
Follow-up case study:
*The supervisor discusses with A that feeling alone or lonely is common when starting over. It is not always talked about out of shame, but talking helps.
*The counsellor shows openness and interest and proposes to find out together what can help her feel better. Together, they explore possibilities in the social network.
*The counsellor advises A to take a look at the student union and join the student football club. In her former hometown, A liked to play football.
*The counsellor further reviews with A a number of sites such as frissegedachten.nl and asks what could help in the classroom to connect more with classmates.
*They agree that A can meet with the counsellor more often and that the counsellor will also send an email to hear how things are going.
Extra support
If a student still needs extra support and attention, there are also options externally. From someone who has enough time to listen. Someone who can give an extra helping hand.
In that case, besides contacting your slb’er or learning team supervisor, the student can call on a former HU lecturer. This person has time for the student and can support with personal attention.
These former lecturers like to stay involved with the HU and its students; they are all members of the association of former employees, Oud Goud, and it is from that association itself that they have taken the initiative for this voluntary support for HU students.
Job Krijgsman is the contact person from the Oud Goud association for this extra support. After registering, he will first invite you for an (online) intake interview and on this basis will look for a good match for you.
Extra information:
- Extra support for HU students; see
- Extra support for the teacher: online training Humanitas, Eentegeneeneenzaamheid.nl books and training offers by Jeanette Rijks.
- en, join-us.nu, @Ease chat and conversations with volunteers and healthcare professionals about loneliness, among other topics, for young people up to 25 years old, Frissegedachtes.nl (chat platform, linking to a fellow student, events), Sensoor De Luisterlijn: Listening ear/good conversation/advice for psychosocial and psychological problems. Available 7 x 24 hours (anonymously; phone, chat, email)
Sources consulted:
- RIVM, Trimbos Institute and GGD GHOR Netherlands, Mental health and substance use monitor
- 2021, Sub-report 1 Mental health of students in higher education (2021)
- Bronswijk, S. van, Maastrichtuniversity.nl, (“Lonely but not alone.”)
- Lodder, G., Tilburguniversity.nl (including “Social life after Corona: picking up the thread will take some getting used to.”)